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The security situation is complex and scary, and our kids are often worried and tense. It is the parents’ responsibility to help their child find ways to cope.
Dealing with the security situation in Israel is a challenge for anyone, more so for children. In the age of news outlets being available for everyone, everywhere, at all times, children are exposed to this reality from a young age. An open channel of communication between children and parents is crucial for developing healthy coping mechanisms.
Children go various stages of psychological development. As the child gets older, they are more receptive to the information around them, with higher awareness and better understanding. That being said, it is most likely that the whirlwind of anxiety taking place in most homes has a strong impact on children of all ages.
When a child is afraid or anxious, we might see behavioral changes, physiological symptoms and even regression in certain aspects, such as bedwetting, outbursts of rage and crying and many other examples.
It is important to differentiate the parent’s anxiety from the child’s anxiety. Sit calmly with your children and try to understand if they are aware or stressed at all, and what information other children and the staff at their school are sharing with them. If it is the parent who’s concerned, there are additional measures of protection and security one can take in order to reduce that stress (such as accompanying the child to school, making sure the child is not alone at home, and more).
It is important to normalize. Normalization is achieved by creating a space in which children can express their fears and anxious thoughts, while parents try to contain those emotions and convey a calming massage.
In times of trouble, children tend to express their imagination and create stories. They express the content they consume and their fears by drawing, playing and any other day to day activity, including games that are for multiple players. That is a great way for kids to deal with their anxiety, a blessed coping mechanism, and should be encouraged. By playing with them and becoming active partners, the parent can hold a conversation with them, letting them express their concerns, and still maintain a positive environment where good wins all and endings have a happy note.
When dealing with an older child, one can explain that the security situation requires being cautious and more alert. It is recommended they don’t walk around by themselves, and try to stay in safe spaces such as schools or homes. If children are still feeling anxious, one should entertain requests they may have concerning their personal safety, such as getting ready for school drop-off and picking them up from school, in order to help them calm down and give them a sense of security and reassurance.
It is the parents’ responsibility to understand that reacting in an anxious manner is perfectly reasonable. That being said, everything needs to be taken proportionately. Try not to expose them to TV/radio/internet outlets that may increase their anxiety level without offering a solution or giving them proper tools for coping. It is recommended that parents process the information on their own and then pass it along to the child as a censored, child oriented version, rather than having the kids directly exposed to it.
If this anxious state continues and affects day to day life, it is recommended to seek out some sort of therapy, even a short term one by a child psychologist, or other emotional therapy. In therapy we work on relaxing techniques and give the child proper tools for coping with stress.
A good, deep breath affects the entire body, lowering heart beat and decreasing respiratory rate. Guide them to put one hand on their abdomen and the other on their chest, and pay attention as the stomach goes in and out when inhaling and exhaling.
While staying in a safe space, help them focus on something else. It can be their favorite color, developing a conversation about it or looking for objects in that color, or asking them to pick a number and start counting down from it, or by skipping. Anything that takes their mind off of what is happening outside.
Have an open conversation with the kids. Let them know that everyone is afraid and that fear is natural, and focus on finding ways to cope with it. Ask them open questions, talk about the day (and night) they had, look together for the good parts of it, as well as the not so great ones.
Kids today know more and are more exposed than ever before. They follow the news, they receive updates on their WhatsApp class group chats, they hear the adult conversations being held and they keep up with social media. It is recommended to shut down anything possible, or at least news outlets.
Helping others is an empowering experience, giving us a sense of control. Look for places where your children can help, like baking cakes for soldiers, organizations that donate clothes and equipment, etc.
Sometimes it is best to consult with professionals. Leumit’s team of mental health professionals are here, embracing you, available at our health centers and our helpline. Call us at *507.
